When my son brought home his exam results this year, I felt something shift inside me. It wasn’t just about the marks on the paper. It was about the kind of relationship I want with him when he becomes a teenager and even an adult. And like many parents, I realized that how I react right now will play a big role in how he will see me later in life.
My son has always loved reading. His first book was a Shark Encyclopedia, and even after five years, he still goes back to it. He is my trivia boy, always reading facts, figures, geography, and animal books. His teacher even noticed that he does well in Show and Tell and encouraged him to continue that in primary school. So I never worried too much about English. He enjoys reading and speaking, and those strengths showed naturally.
But like many Singaporean parents, I was worried about his mother tongue. All his friends speak English. Most of the shows they watch are in English. Even in our neighborhood, he mostly hears English. The little Tamil he gets is at home, and only for a short time when we are all together.
We worked hard throughout the year, compositions, storybooks, practice papers. As exams came closer, we added an extra push. I expected steady improvement, but nothing dramatic.
Then the results came.
And everything flipped.
His Tamil score was beyond what any of us, even his teacher, expected. I almost fell off my chair. He was so proud, and I was truly happy for him.
But his English score… was low. It was lower than he expected, and it caught me completely by surprise.
I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He started reflecting on his own:
It was painful to watch. But I also realized it was an important moment, not just for him, but for me too.
Because this was the moment that would teach both of us:
But more than that, I realized something deeper about how my reaction could affect him in the long run.
Over the years, I’ve spoken with many mothers of teenagers. Some say:
“My teen acts like they can’t hear me.”
“They ignore me.”
“They shut down every time we talk.”
And when we look deeper, many of these patterns started much earlier, often during exam seasons.
One mother shared that whenever her child brought home results, she would jump straight into “solutions”:
She wanted to help. She believed she was doing the right thing.
But what her child felt was completely different.
The child felt unseen.
The child felt pressured.
The child felt like the parent cared only about marks.
And by the time the teen years arrived, the child had learned how to protect themselves, by shutting down, by ignoring, by pretending not to hear.
That was the only way they knew how to avoid disappointment.
I don’t want that for my son.
And that’s why my reaction today matters.
When the results come in, whether good or bad, our children are already feeling something.
Sometimes they are proud.
Sometimes they are embarrassed.
Sometimes they are confused.
Sometimes they are scared.
Before anything else, they need space to process their own feelings.
They need us to pause.
To listen.
To understand.
To notice their emotions instead of jumping into action plans.
They need to hear things like:
“Tell me how you feel about this.”
“I can see this result surprised you.”
“It’s okay to be disappointed. Let’s take our time.”
Because when children feel understood during tough moments, they continue to trust us when they become teens, the stage where trust matters the most.
What we teach during exam season becomes part of our child’s emotional memory.
They may learn to hide things from me.
They may learn to measure their worth through marks.
They may learn to avoid coming to me during stressful situations.
They may learn:
This is not about being soft.
This is about building long-term connection.
Because the way I respond today becomes the way they see me tomorrow.
This experience with my son taught me something important:
My reaction will shape how he sees me when he grows older.
I want him to remember that:
Because one day, he will be a teenager dealing with bigger emotions than exam marks. And when that day comes, I want him to feel safe enough to come to me, not shut me out.
Exam results are more than numbers on a page. They are moments that shape emotions, trust, and connection between a parent and child.
Our children may not remember every mark they earned, but they will remember how we responded. They will notice whether we made them feel safe, understood, and valued, or pressured, judged, and disappointed.
These early experiences teach them how to open up, how to handle setbacks, and how to trust us as they grow older.
So when I review my son’s results, I remind myself:
It’s not just about the marks. It’s about nurturing a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
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